People with fake feelings!!!

   Life is not all about appearance because appearance may not have enough ability to transfer the real picture about a person, a thing, a behavior or whatever. The outer form deceives us as people hundred of times, yet the inner feeling can't do that unless people got trained to fake their sentiment. If a person is sympathetic and kind, he is deceived by people .  On the contrary, if one is tricky and wicked, he himself will deceive others. Therefore, life is between and about two basic things good and bad. Wherever you go, you meet kind easygoing people and people with fake emotions. 

I don't know why  ,but I felt like writing about you.  Maybe it's because I always keep on thinking about you or maybe it's because I felt lonely, even if I was surrounded with hundreds of people's. I tried to be myself, but didn't work and I kept on faking it but it was hard still, I want you to come back and give my stolen heart. You were more like more than friend to me though fate lead us apart, I thought I was going to be ok without you around, but  trust me I was fooled. My life were full of sadness up since you started talking with someone else and know I don't want you in my life, I ,really need you in my life. I want you to know how much you were to me close. I wish all these darkness comes to end and meet again. I wish all the laughter that we had to come again and wash all this sadness. I love talking to people but I stopped talking to mostly everyone. I just didn't talk to people as much as I used to. You know what the problem is ? I get attached, fast. And once I get attached to someone, I do everything I can to please them and make them happy. It's never been about what I want it's always everyone's needs before my own. I give out too many chances to people. They take advantage of me and I become a pushover. But I am okay with that because they are in my life and that's all I ever wanted. Even if they screw over me, I still be there for them. Because that's me, that's who I am. I really appreciate the good in me and I'll keep the loving and caring person inside me, I really love this Janat. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from it all, it’s that we have to be our own heroes. No guy in a costume is coming to save us. We have to save ourselves. Sometimes we so tired desperately to fix others, when our own hands were shaking. I'm sorry that I didn't give myself enough time to heal. I'm sorry that sometimes smiling hurt but I forced myself to laugh so that no one had to worry about me. I am sorry that there were nights when I cried myself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. And I am sorry I didn't love me, like she deserved to be loved. Once my friend9 said "Never make someone else the main character in your own story.
     
      I still want to travel to different places with you,
      I still want to read variety of books with you,
      I still want to have sweet talks around a tea ,
      I still want to explore things with you.
You know I wanted to write a lot about us, but if I keep on writing things am sure I will run out of papers. I wish if I could hate u. I tried a lot to move on but all I see  everything is you. whenever I see a guy with your name I feel your presence. You see me and then Ignored me everywhere .But when I see you I always try to have few words with  you.I said you sorry even on small small things .You know why? Cause I never wanted to loose you. I feel like I am addicted to you but believe me I will soon be out from your memories cage. I was trying to change how I viewed myself, how I talked myself and how i felt about myself but not in a way anyone expected. I no longer changing myself for others, the pressure to fit in and be anything other than myself. If we don't give a second chance for ourselves, believe me no one else would. Sometimes God isolates you so you can get yourself together. Isolate yourself from everyone you think you attached to or close to. It's not because you don't have anyone to count on but to make sure you also matters the most and to understand yourself better. Loneliness adds beauty to life. Take some quite time stop talking to everyone and just listen your inner child and give her what she wants. It's been really, really hard but I've been so brave. There were a days I was thinking to give up on myself, but I keep listening my inner child. And it brought me here I look in the mirror and see myself. It's not easy to be positive all the time but when you develop to that "it's okay" level. You will stop blaming yourself, you will open up with your feelings but not get attached to anyone, you will be the hero of your life, you will stop faking smile to not bother anyone, you stop keep conversations that doesn't make you feel comfortable, you will believe in yourself it seems impossible but you can do it. when I was in this time as it was I learned something about myself. That I could go through something like that and survive. I learned to be grateful about my life. The saddest part of my life is the best part of my story cause it makes me stronger. I am enough the way I am, always have been and always will be. And Now I will do what's best for me !